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Walks Again, Racing for Life & Southend
by Matt on Jun.03, 2009, under More Blogs
And so another week has passed us by, another week of tedium, of no job & increasing despondency. Not too much has happened this week but I will tell you about those things that have. I wasn’t going to update this week, but Chuckles would be besides himself with grief at missing out on his weekly slice of life across the Atlantic for his bestest, loveliest friend, that would be me.
Last Saturday my best friend & I decided to go for a walk up the canal, Regents. I often make this 
walk, as regular readers will know, as its a pleasant walk, has quite a few sight on the route, & of course Milo likes the canal, apart fro the water, ironic as it may seem. First of all we went to Broadway market, a small food market in Hackney, of course being Hackney we put Milo on guard dog mode which must have petrified the Chav locals. Its one of those that sells home made cakes, organic breads and such like, so of course most things cost twice as much as elsewhere due to the word organic or hand (you thought I was going to slip up & say hand made didn’t you?). I got a few quiche, just to be a cliché, and some nice cakes as well as a loaf of seeded bread (I love seeded bread). As I am sure you will remember, well those living in UK, Saturday was gloriously sunny, the weather was fabulous (sweetie, in my best Patsy voice darlings) but this, along with the assistants stupidity, had a downside.
walk, as regular readers will know, as its a pleasant walk, has quite a few sight on the route, & of course Milo likes the canal, apart fro the water, ironic as it may seem. First of all we went to Broadway market, a small food market in Hackney, of course being Hackney we put Milo on guard dog mode which must have petrified the Chav locals. Its one of those that sells home made cakes, organic breads and such like, so of course most things cost twice as much as elsewhere due to the word organic or hand (you thought I was going to slip up & say hand made didn’t you?). I got a few quiche, just to be a cliché, and some nice cakes as well as a loaf of seeded bread (I love seeded bread). As I am sure you will remember, well those living in UK, Saturday was gloriously sunny, the weather was fabulous (sweetie, in my best Patsy voice darlings) but this, along with the assistants stupidity, had a downside. When we left the market we made our way, rather slowly as Milo decided that he needed to sniff each inch of the path on the way, to Victoria Park. I was excited as where I am on my diet, to go from fat humungous pig to lithe sex god (a long, exceedingly, way to go then) I don’t get to eat cake often. When we arrived at Victoria Park we opened the bag only to notice that the assistance (hence the stupid referral earlier) had put the bread on top of the cakes & so they were all squashed & ruined. So I had to forego my stuff my face session, just my fat luck that is. Still on the plus side it saved an extra 2 hours on the treadmill, at level 150.
Sunday I was yet again up at 4.45 in the morning as was doing my bit of voluntary work, if I am not careful I will be burned on a stake or in danger of having a sainthood thrust upon me, I wonder
if I am up for an OBE yet, surely cant be long. It was the city Race For Life. It started in London Wall (those not in London get your arse onto www.Streetmap.co.uk) so I walked there, isn’t it fucking sods law that the one time I walk there I want a wee on the way, have you tried finding a public toilet in the city at that time of the morning, I ended up paying to go in one of those Tardis looking ones, alas David Tennant was not in to assist me, gutted I was. I have now got a application on my BB called www.sitorsquat.com its so cool. As ever I digress, so back to Race For Life. I was a volunteer, I helped to set it up, with someone I met at the last one I did (an Australian woman who when I first met her I was convinced she was a Lezzer, it turned out she is just Australian!!). Then I was asked to be a race marshal, I had to put a terrible Race Marshal florescent yellow vest on (I looked like a council workman, well apart from the beer belly & sitting around whistling at passers by, tempting though it was), and a radio with earpiece which I hated. I was asked to go to the traffic lights outside St Pauls & stop people going on the road when the race started. No idea why I fucking bothered. Would those of you who ever see one of these races please bear this in mind. People are giving up their time for a really worthwhile cause, as are the runners. If they ask you to respect the runners and volunteers by not crossing the road in front of them (when the road has been closed for this race) please don’t walk 10 feet up & fucking cross the road. How I managed to not call a number of people cunts is beyond me, I think I showed great restraint.
if I am up for an OBE yet, surely cant be long. It was the city Race For Life. It started in London Wall (those not in London get your arse onto www.Streetmap.co.uk) so I walked there, isn’t it fucking sods law that the one time I walk there I want a wee on the way, have you tried finding a public toilet in the city at that time of the morning, I ended up paying to go in one of those Tardis looking ones, alas David Tennant was not in to assist me, gutted I was. I have now got a application on my BB called www.sitorsquat.com its so cool. As ever I digress, so back to Race For Life. I was a volunteer, I helped to set it up, with someone I met at the last one I did (an Australian woman who when I first met her I was convinced she was a Lezzer, it turned out she is just Australian!!). Then I was asked to be a race marshal, I had to put a terrible Race Marshal florescent yellow vest on (I looked like a council workman, well apart from the beer belly & sitting around whistling at passers by, tempting though it was), and a radio with earpiece which I hated. I was asked to go to the traffic lights outside St Pauls & stop people going on the road when the race started. No idea why I fucking bothered. Would those of you who ever see one of these races please bear this in mind. People are giving up their time for a really worthwhile cause, as are the runners. If they ask you to respect the runners and volunteers by not crossing the road in front of them (when the road has been closed for this race) please don’t walk 10 feet up & fucking cross the road. How I managed to not call a number of people cunts is beyond me, I think I showed great restraint.So after I had finished on the course I headed back to the finishing line to help. On the way something happened that I could not believe. I was with two other volunteers, females, & we saw this Porsche driving, trying to cut across the runners. Now bear in mind that the police have closed all these roads, so I went over to him & asked what he was doing, he said he needed to go down the road on the right, I, rather politely, told him if he did that he would be going through the race & he cant do that, he can either pull over or take the road on the left, he said that isn’t where he wants to go, so I, still politely, said he cant go right as the police have closed the roads & they will nick him if they see him. He said he was going anyway, then I wasn’t so polite & told him if he wanted to be a twat to go ahead & I will make sure the police know where he is. So he went, I got on my radio & the police did indeed nick him, fucking great.
I did then get back to the finishing line, ahead of most of the runners, how slow are they, & helped there, then I helped to take everything down. All in all it was another good day & I am quite looking forward to the next one.
Monday was another delightfully sunny day. So my best friend & I, with Milo’s input, decided to go to Southend for the day. On the train we hopped, not literally as it was deemed unfair as Milo cant 
technically hop. When we got there I could not believe the amount of Chavs (or as Sid & Stan’s mum would say, or rather does say ‘full of fucking inbreeds’ in her usual cockney twang that makes me look round for Dot) that were wandering round with their tops off & what looked like prison tattoos on display, even the younger ones had those terrible Bermuda shorts on & their underwear showing, class & fashion seem to have escaped Southend. But we had a good time, I went & saw a (unchav like) friend who works in one of the stores there, which was good. We then went down to the front to a Fish & chip restaurant that Sid & Stan’s mum had recommended. It was nice but not as great as she had made it out to be (but then she is more likely to eat jellied eels & cockles with her pie & mash) & definitely not as nice as the ones from the Fish House just by Victoria Park, but the best to date are from Bideford. We then went & sat in a park for a while so I could shout down the phone at O2, & end up putting the phone down (I do miss the old phones that you can slam down with satisfaction) after calling the guy on the end a dumb fucking idiot. So we celebrated me keeping my cool by getting some donut which were rather nice, Milo thought so as well, but then he would eat anything you gave him.
technically hop. When we got there I could not believe the amount of Chavs (or as Sid & Stan’s mum would say, or rather does say ‘full of fucking inbreeds’ in her usual cockney twang that makes me look round for Dot) that were wandering round with their tops off & what looked like prison tattoos on display, even the younger ones had those terrible Bermuda shorts on & their underwear showing, class & fashion seem to have escaped Southend. But we had a good time, I went & saw a (unchav like) friend who works in one of the stores there, which was good. We then went down to the front to a Fish & chip restaurant that Sid & Stan’s mum had recommended. It was nice but not as great as she had made it out to be (but then she is more likely to eat jellied eels & cockles with her pie & mash) & definitely not as nice as the ones from the Fish House just by Victoria Park, but the best to date are from Bideford. We then went & sat in a park for a while so I could shout down the phone at O2, & end up putting the phone down (I do miss the old phones that you can slam down with satisfaction) after calling the guy on the end a dumb fucking idiot. So we celebrated me keeping my cool by getting some donut which were rather nice, Milo thought so as well, but then he would eat anything you gave him. Today I went to meet a friend for coffee in London Bridge, me being me I went to the wrong Nero’s. But in fairness I was distracted as was listening to Stephens Fry’s new mini audio book, rather entertaining it is too. It was good to catch up with my friend once I made it to the right place. He has just bought a flat so he told me all about that, how exciting is that, I love it when you move into a new place & decorate it & get it the way you want it.
I also ordered some new accessories for my BB today so keep an eye out on here for a picture once they all arrive, presuming of course I don’t fuck it all up!
P & I were supposed to go to movies this evening but alas we got there to late & so couldn’t see it, so a review for Terminator Salvation will be up next week not this, my sincere apologies.
As ever a big hello to Sid & Stan, who continue to be the naughtiest dogs I know, & though Milo
continues to be an exemplary example of good behaviour & decorum they don’t seem to grasp it, bit to late for the unruly bothersome brothers me thinks.
continues to be an exemplary example of good behaviour & decorum they don’t seem to grasp it, bit to late for the unruly bothersome brothers me thinks.See you next week then you lovely & delightful people.
Parks, Dinner Party & Matt Milan
by Matt on May.27, 2009, under More Blogs
Hello one & all, how are we this week? Been a bit of a quiet one for me, but I don’t want to disappoint you all so will give you an update.
I have as usual been attempting to kill my self by going to the torture chamber almost everyday, on the days I cant find a good enough excuse to avoid it. I am convinced its working, I am not the lithe person I once was but at the same time I am not mistaken for Jabba The Hut quite as often as I use to be. I also notice that jeans that I use to use a shoe horn to get into actually fit now & one pair I even needed a belt with, rather than the belt having no function other than to accessorise my jeans. So it must be heading in the right direction.
Last Saturday P & I, & of course the little angel that is Milo, went to Hyde Park to meet a friend. 
Hadn’t seen her for a while as she has a boyfriend now so we are put to the back of her shelf of friends. On the way P wanted to go & get a few bits, picnic type things, from the Supermarket, so we stopped off at Sainsbury in Mayfair, I had to wait outside as the bastard animal haters wouldn’t let Milo in. Bloody hell how can P manage to take quite so long getting a total of about 5 objects, over 20 minutes we stood outside, I am convinced that most people thought I was a homeless beggar & using Milo as a ploy to get more money. But we did eventually get to the park & it was really good to see our friend as I like spending time with her. We had walked to the park as well so by the end of the day we were exhausted, poor little Milo fell asleep on the bus on the way back, but still made sure that he lay on the seat & pushed J & I aside so he had enough space!!!
Hadn’t seen her for a while as she has a boyfriend now so we are put to the back of her shelf of friends. On the way P wanted to go & get a few bits, picnic type things, from the Supermarket, so we stopped off at Sainsbury in Mayfair, I had to wait outside as the bastard animal haters wouldn’t let Milo in. Bloody hell how can P manage to take quite so long getting a total of about 5 objects, over 20 minutes we stood outside, I am convinced that most people thought I was a homeless beggar & using Milo as a ploy to get more money. But we did eventually get to the park & it was really good to see our friend as I like spending time with her. We had walked to the park as well so by the end of the day we were exhausted, poor little Milo fell asleep on the bus on the way back, but still made sure that he lay on the seat & pushed J & I aside so he had enough space!!!Sunday was really nice weather wise, I fact it was the hottest day of the year. So we got in touch with some friends & surprise surprise arranged to meet them at Hyde Park, our originality really is
astounding & genius. But instead of walking there we took the bus, you have to hate London Transport. It actually took as long as the previous day to get there, wonderful. But we met our friends & had a great time, its always good to catch up with friends I think, and especially enjoyable when you can just chill & chat (well as much as able when Milo is insisting on having attention, the ball thrown for him, trying to get to your food, jumping after your Frisbee etc). Its also always nice to spend some time with P as we really don’t get enough time together at all. Both P & I got quite a tan as well, I say that but of course the only problem is that we have marks as had T Shirts on so we now have brown faces, arms & half our legs!!!
astounding & genius. But instead of walking there we took the bus, you have to hate London Transport. It actually took as long as the previous day to get there, wonderful. But we met our friends & had a great time, its always good to catch up with friends I think, and especially enjoyable when you can just chill & chat (well as much as able when Milo is insisting on having attention, the ball thrown for him, trying to get to your food, jumping after your Frisbee etc). Its also always nice to spend some time with P as we really don’t get enough time together at all. Both P & I got quite a tan as well, I say that but of course the only problem is that we have marks as had T Shirts on so we now have brown faces, arms & half our legs!!!Yesterday was nice, despite a rocky start. Our friends had invited us to dinner, P had re-arranged the time so as he could make it on time. We were to meet at 6.45 at the tube station. P, no matter how many times I ask, no matter how I ask, is always making us late. So at 7.20 he turns up, making me feel like a complete twat, not only was I standing there like a cunt on my own but it meant we were late.
But when we did get there it was a jolly nice time. Despite us having to go to zone 4, practically in Essex, passport control was a bugger. Then I led us up the wrong road so we had to backtrack to get onto the right route. But a warm welcome was waiting as indeed were understanding friends. So all in all we had a really pleasant evening. Its hard to get P out after work so it was exceedingly nice to actually spend a evening with him (& friends) without fucking television on with complete shit playing at top volume driving me fucking mad. So a big thank you to our friends for a lovely evening.
I have been playing, well not playing as I have been highly successful, at dog trainer. As most know I walk Milo each morning at about 7.30 (how dedicated am I), and he plays with Stan (well Stan
bullies my little treasure) & his brother is Sid, who barks at all dogs, wont come back & eats anything, including shit. The eating shit I wont begin to tackle but I have been working at stopping the constant barking, and he is getting better even if I do say so. It is purely a selfish reason that I am undertaking this daunting task as it will save my ears, as I will not have his Mum screeching in a high pitched, fish wife like tones ‘SID, fucking come ere’ (in a cockney accent, bit like Peggy Mitchell slumming it after taking helium).
bullies my little treasure) & his brother is Sid, who barks at all dogs, wont come back & eats anything, including shit. The eating shit I wont begin to tackle but I have been working at stopping the constant barking, and he is getting better even if I do say so. It is purely a selfish reason that I am undertaking this daunting task as it will save my ears, as I will not have his Mum screeching in a high pitched, fish wife like tones ‘SID, fucking come ere’ (in a cockney accent, bit like Peggy Mitchell slumming it after taking helium).And finally my ailment for the week, I am convinced I am falling to pieces. A few years ago I dislocated my thumb & now occasionally it plays up (if anyone out there knows about these things can you let me know if this is normal?). It throbs & hurts, which isn’t great when I need to go to the Torture Chamber.
And so my lovely readers I thank you for your avid attention & look forward to seeing you here again next week.
Ear Ache, Race & Grooming
by Matt on May.20, 2009, under More Blogs
So another update is upon us, so lets get started shall we?
It is no wonder that the country is in the state that is currently if the DWP is anything to go by. I had to go there last Thursday, to sign on but also as there is this new scheme whereby if you have been unemployed for over 13 weeks (I am kind of guessing that since last July is over 13 weeks!) you can get half price Oyster on bus fares. So in I went, at a most awkward time, mid afternoon. Only for the officer to tell me that I wasn’t eligible. A month or so ago I missed signing on as went a day late, regular readers will remember my rant about it. This resulted in them stopping my claim & starting it the next week, so apparently this means it is a new claim, so I cant get the discounted bus fares. How crap is this system we have to work with, twats.
Last week I had bad toothache, which I am pleased to report is now better. This week it was my ears, I am convinced that I am either cursed or a walking ailment, more than likely its the stress I am subjected to. I woke last Friday with bad earache, was so painful. Fortunately I have a good doctor surgery, rather a rarity in London, my last one was completely rubbish whose medical knowledge I think he got from watching Young Doctors and such like. So I was told by the doctor to go to the surgery & she would see me. So down I hobbled (no idea why other than it felt right to hobble to a doctor). It was the usual case of inflamed ear canal (I have had it before) so she prescribed me ear drops, which I have been taking. Fortunately the pain went within a day so all is better again, wonder what next weeks ailment will be!!
Saturday saw me doing my do gooder bit for charity. I volunteered at the Race For Life, the Regents Park one. I have volunteered to do about four over the season, how good a person am I? It was all very well when I volunteered as you 
do it online, all seemed easy. What I neglected to do (e.g. I didn’t think it through properly) was properly think it through as you need to be there at about 6.00, in the fucking morning, which meant getting up at fucking 4.00 in the morning. So up at the crack of dawn I was and off out to be a good person. I was a little disappointed as it meant of course that I couldn’t take Milo for his morning walk & meant that I was away from him for half a day. I have to say that after the fright of not having ,Milo at my side & the fact that there were bats flying when I left the house, I really had a good time, the people were friendly too. Obviously you had the couple who really loved being a race marshall & would have had an orgasm if you had given them a clipboard!!! But I am really glad that I volunteered as not only was it fun but you actually feel you are doing something worthwhile with your time. If I still feel the same when have to get up at 4.00 next week I cannot say.
Sunday was rather pleasant but unusual. I actually had the day to myself with nothing to do, so I sat down & watched DVD’s & read for the day. I have to say it was so good for me, took the stress away & relaxed me quite a bit.
Monday afternoon I had an interview for a job at the BBC. After my dummy interview & advice from my friend (the farting in the cinema one) I went in there with a fresh outlook. What also helped was that Chuckles was emailing me beforehand giving me advice & a pep talk in his very own unique branded way, which surprisingly helped loads. So I went to the interview, it was in Current Affairs & I had tried to do research but when I called the switch board they couldn’t tell me who was head of, idiots, didn’t bode well at all, so research was rather difficult. But onwards I went. I really surprised, or surpassed even, myself as I remained calm, wasn’t too nervous, answered all the questions & think I did rather well. Which I would imagine means I completely fucked it up & mis-read the situation, tune in (BBC – tune in, get it?) next week to see the result, failure I would imagine.
Yesterday it was Milo’s (yes we are back to talking about Milo) grooming. It didn’t start well as when we left to get to the station, we walk up the canal to Mile End station (for those wanting to stalk me) it was raining. Those of you who 
know Milo knows that this meant I was forced (in that he refused to move & just sat there 
looking sad eyes at me) to carry him until it stopped raining. We eventually got to the station & got him in one piece. My best friend came with me, so after we dropped Milo off, & heard him crying for me, we had an hour & a half to kill. Off to the local high street we walked, high street is in fact stretching the imagination, I hadn’t eaten so we looked for somewhere for lunch., We picked badly as went to this cafe that was busy, which I usually take as a good sign, though it transpired not in this case. I ordered an all day breakfast & he a burger & chips. The breakfast came, the bacon was undercooked, the mushrooms were a tad greasy, tomato was under grilled, egg yokes were nice but whites bit too soft for me, the accompanying milk was room temperature when I like it cold. My friends burger looked a little unhealthy too, & he said it wasn’t nice, being a northerner he is an expert in these matters. Milo had not been groomed for three months & when we picked him up the difference was astounding, he looked so different, but of course adorable, to the left is before the right is after.
Today a friend came round this morning & annoyed the hell out of me. I was trying to concentrate on filling in job applications but it was quite a trial as he kept twattering (yes I meant to spell it like that) on in my ear fucking up my concentration.
I have as ever been going to the torture chamber, cycling, walking & watching my diet, fucking hating it more with every minute. But it seems to be paying off (the paying is my sweat, & pain) as people have been commenting (after much hinting & harassment) that I am looking slimmer & in better shaped, which I take to mean slim & toned!!!!
Usual hello to Sid (the gannet) & Stan (the bully) though don’t know why when they are neglecting my angel quite often of late.
See you for another week xxxx
Toothache & TV Show
by Matt on May.13, 2009, under More Blogs
Is it me or are the weeks going rather quickly lately? Seems just yesterday I was putting my weekly update up here & yet here I am again today, a week had gone by.
Last Thursday I woke with agonising tooth ache, is there any other kind? So I called my dentist who is great, in my opinion, even more great now. They fitted
me in that morning so off I cycled (yes, still cycling wherever possible) down to the practice. It turns out that I have a wisdom tooth that they have been saying I should have taken out, me being a complete wimp who is scared of any type of pain, & needles, has put it off, anyway, the tooth has infected the gums. So I had to have anti biotic. The only plus side to the agonising pain was that I couldn’t go to the gym as felt in agony. So I stayed in bed all of Friday & caught up on DVD’s. I have to admit that catching up on movies in bed almost made the pain worth while, in fact I wouldn’t mind doing that on a regular basis.
me in that morning so off I cycled (yes, still cycling wherever possible) down to the practice. It turns out that I have a wisdom tooth that they have been saying I should have taken out, me being a complete wimp who is scared of any type of pain, & needles, has put it off, anyway, the tooth has infected the gums. So I had to have anti biotic. The only plus side to the agonising pain was that I couldn’t go to the gym as felt in agony. So I stayed in bed all of Friday & caught up on DVD’s. I have to admit that catching up on movies in bed almost made the pain worth while, in fact I wouldn’t mind doing that on a regular basis.Sunday was rather nice, and fortunately P (or PJ as Chuckles calls him, due to J being called J but I call him P, I guess its an American thing). So as we tend to when its nice, & as we all enjoy it. We got the young man known as Milo ready (it is astounding how much we need to take out for him, its worse than a baby, treats, water, his water puddle to put water in, ball, pooh bags, and all other amounts of rubbish that he needs, and wants). I digress, as usual, off we went down to Shadwell Basin which is really nice, walked along the canal, o not Regents, a different one. Up to St Katherine’s Dock we went & to Starbucks, I had a Berry Macho or something, not sure what its called but it tasted rather nice, must have smelt it too as Milo was practically climbing up my leg to get to it.
By Monday I was still suffering (me being me I was suffering in silence & taking the pain like a man, not complaining at all!!!!) so on the phone I got again to the dentist, then on my bike to go see her. She gave me this antiseptic mouth wash as well as a different course of antibiotics. Well I wish she hadn’t bothered with the pills, clearly they didn’t agree with me. I had a very bad reaction, I was on the toilet for hours, I have no idea where it all came from, I thought that I must be empty hours before it stopped. I can only thank the lord for my Blackberry, what I would have done without it I have no idea, died of boredom if the pain wasn’t keeping me alive. But whatever it was it did the trick & my tooth stopped hurting, funny remedy though, shit the pain out!
Yesterday a couple of friends & I went to see the Justin Lee Collins show being filmed. It was rather good fun, though 
I, with my usual flair, have some pointers for Justin Lee Collins. The show isn’t as polished & professional as other chat shows, and Justin himself doesn’t interact with the audience as much as other hosts do, he should really work on this. He also comes across as a tad wooden so needs to relax a bit. I was quite disappointed as really like him & think his personality is a lot nicer than other chat show hosts (Ross). But it was more than made up for when his first guests came out, McFly, oh wow, gee are they, well okay two of them, hot, they have obviously been on diets & in the gym, lets face it they were rather porky before, but now, they look good. Douggie is my particular favourite, & its nice to see he seemed quite sweet (wouldn’t mind tasting to find out). so it was a good show, it was of course undoubtedly helped by the fact that I went along with some nice friends.
I, with my usual flair, have some pointers for Justin Lee Collins. The show isn’t as polished & professional as other chat shows, and Justin himself doesn’t interact with the audience as much as other hosts do, he should really work on this. He also comes across as a tad wooden so needs to relax a bit. I was quite disappointed as really like him & think his personality is a lot nicer than other chat show hosts (Ross). But it was more than made up for when his first guests came out, McFly, oh wow, gee are they, well okay two of them, hot, they have obviously been on diets & in the gym, lets face it they were rather porky before, but now, they look good. Douggie is my particular favourite, & its nice to see he seemed quite sweet (wouldn’t mind tasting to find out). so it was a good show, it was of course undoubtedly helped by the fact that I went along with some nice friends.Today (after they torture session) I went to see my friend at lunchtime, her lunchtime not mine obviously. Went as needed advice on interviews & how not to fuck them up, as I am prone to do, and it goes without saying it was good to see her (luckily we were not in a cinema so she didn’t fart, well I don’t think so). Don’t ask me how but she had managed to smash her phone, she was using it with no front & he screen hanging off, like how embarrassing, anyways I did my good deed for the day (though I am going to use it for the rest of the month) & let her use my handset, so I was with only my BB for the day, can you imagine how naked (rather foolish on Oxford Street) I felt. But she made me realise where I am going wrong in interviews & so hopefully I can work o that & be better when I have a job interview.
Have of course been out each morning walking the lovely Milo, with his two best friends Sid & Stan (they get upset if I don’t mention them) so that has been fun, would be even more so if not at such an ungodly hour of the morning.
A rather short one this week due to my being in with toothache. But hope to see you here again next week, love & peace abound.
Old Friends & Scans
by Matt on May.06, 2009, under More Blogs
Hello all, another entry here on the rapidly becoming popular blog, its mid-week so time I sat & updated this.
Last Thursday was rather fun, well after the first part. I had to go & sign on, which regular readers will know I loathe. You would think I would be getting use to it, but how can you get use to going somewhere & having to endure the scum of the east (& there is stiff competition believe me) along with the idiot officers who have one CSE between them but as they are behind a desk think that they are Einstein incarnate. So went & sat, managed to make it through the ordeal without calling anyone a twat (out loud at least) & managed not to rub against any of the common folk, again a plague of whom were there.
I then came back & collected Milo as we were going out for the day. Out where you cry, well yell I would imagine, patience & I will divulge. So I perambulated (look it up, you know who you are) home to get him. We then headed for Waterloo, we got the waterloo & City line. I told Milo to sit on the floor & being the doting dog he looked at me as he jumped up & sat on the seat next to me, then looked as if to say ‘what, I am where I should be fool’. We then got on a train, I looked for a seat & there was only one, it was a table of four & only one lady (I say lady but mean twat of course) on it. So I sat down, Milo sat down on the ground (I had rather cunningly sat on the outside seat so he couldn’t get to the other) at which point the dumb bitch opposite me got up & said ‘I am allergic to dogs’. I got up & politely called her a stupid cow & walked away, to stand for the journey. I had several issues, why did I pick the only person who was (allegedly) allergic to dogs, why did she need to announce it (as if I cared if she swelled up & died), why she was sitting expecting to have four seats to herself, yes she had a fat ass but it didn’t warrant four seats.
So arrive in Woking we did. I have to say am jolly glad that I did make the effort as we were there to see friends who I hadn’t seen for ages, Milo hadn’t seen them at all, but he doesn’t seem to have the inhibitions (another for C to look up) or shyness that people do, so got right in & had a ball. It has been about a year since I had seen my friends so we had a lot of catching up to do. A lovely lunch was prepared, was absolutely delicious, so scrumptious, with home made brownies, how yummy is that then? They have two children, I didn’t realise that children grew so quickly, they are really shooting up (as in growing not taking drugs). They had a great time with Milo, it was very amusing as the little boy was running, Milo was chasing him & he was being chased by the young lady, it was like a slap stick comedy. All in all I had a really nice day & it was super to catch up, makes me realise that its not good to not see friends as often as one can.
As if to prove a point, the next day P was off, & so we went to the West End to meet friends for Dim Sum (that’s Chinese delicacies not a friend who doesn’t know what words mean) & lets see if you can guess which friends we were meeting then? Anyone? No one? Want to give up then? I had better tell you them, it was the friends whom I had gone to see the previous day. My friend loves Dim Sum, in fact he likes most Chinese dishes, & will talk (bore you) about Chinese tea for ages, in fact he will have you walking round shop after shop to find a particular one for him. Isn’t this bloody typical, I like the food there a lot but my favourite is sweet & sour pork, so P ordered it, along with about twenty other dishes, of all the dishes ordered guess which one the fuck wit waiter forgot? Yep you got it my sweet & sour pork, so Little P had to get them to bring it. But a lovely meal was had by all, I thoroughly enjoyed it & of course having it with friends made it all the better. Bloody hell, I am being nice, must have swine flu.
In the early evening P & I took Milo for a walk in the park, that was fun as its not often that we get to walk together, as P works long hours. So it was all in all a most enjoyable day, hurrah.
On Saturday morning I met another friend (who coincidentally I hadn’t seen for a while as well, nice to have a theme in the blog don’t you
think). She works at the place I use to work at, where I was treated like shit & sooo unhappy, to add insult to injury there was a person there who was back stabbing everyone (yes including me it transpires) to worm & wheedle her way into a good position (on the end of a noose in my opinion). So my friend wanted to meet as she had good news. The back stabbing conniving bitch has been sacked (yeay the wicked witch is dead) so that was good, but wait there was more, it gets better & better, but like eating chocolate. It seems that the president of the company (a self obsessed, self seeking, rude, arrogant, no talent cunt (as you can see I adore her)) is having financial problems, probably as she has no talent anymore, so is worried that she will lose everything (there is a god after all, either that or voodoo dolls really work) . So my fingers are crossed for that. But other than that it was great to see my friend again, she is really nice person & very easy to talk to.
think). She works at the place I use to work at, where I was treated like shit & sooo unhappy, to add insult to injury there was a person there who was back stabbing everyone (yes including me it transpires) to worm & wheedle her way into a good position (on the end of a noose in my opinion). So my friend wanted to meet as she had good news. The back stabbing conniving bitch has been sacked (yeay the wicked witch is dead) so that was good, but wait there was more, it gets better & better, but like eating chocolate. It seems that the president of the company (a self obsessed, self seeking, rude, arrogant, no talent cunt (as you can see I adore her)) is having financial problems, probably as she has no talent anymore, so is worried that she will lose everything (there is a god after all, either that or voodoo dolls really work) . So my fingers are crossed for that. But other than that it was great to see my friend again, she is really nice person & very easy to talk to. In the afternoon my best friend & I took Milo for a long walk up the canal, another regular outing that we take, I like to take this walk as you 
get to see other dogs, which makes Milo very happy, but its also nice & peaceful (apart from the bloody bikes ding dinging their fucking bells) so gives one time to think as you walk, which of course is good exercise too, an all round boon then. We also took him on the same walk on Sunday which he enjoyed. I dread to think that he is going to be like when I get a job as he cant have all these two & three hour walks daily when I am working. He will no doubt sulk & make us aware of his displeasure in his own unique style. I blame P as he spoils him too much, he isn’t as firm as I am, I never let Milo get away with anything & am very strict with him.
get to see other dogs, which makes Milo very happy, but its also nice & peaceful (apart from the bloody bikes ding dinging their fucking bells) so gives one time to think as you walk, which of course is good exercise too, an all round boon then. We also took him on the same walk on Sunday which he enjoyed. I dread to think that he is going to be like when I get a job as he cant have all these two & three hour walks daily when I am working. He will no doubt sulk & make us aware of his displeasure in his own unique style. I blame P as he spoils him too much, he isn’t as firm as I am, I never let Milo get away with anything & am very strict with him.Monday daytime guess where I went, you got it, up the canal & through Victoria Park again, so three days in a row of long walks for Milo, no wonder he has a permanent smile on his face lately.
Monday evening P & I went over to see a friend. He lives in Plaistow, its so rough there, even the arms of the chairs have tattoos, its quite scary, even if you’re a chav you walk with caution there. But it has to be said that my friend has done great things with his house. He has had a new kitchen fitted (he is doing the whole house gradually). The kitchen is awesome its really nice, very well thought out, & looking really good. He has also had the bathroom done, though done it temporarily to have done permanently later (I don’t get that either, go figure) but the shower is to die for, so cool. We had gone there hoping to go to this Thai cafe that is near him (in fact that’s the only reason P came along at all) but it transpires that its closed on a Monday so that was a pisser. Its always good to catch up with friends though, & I have known him for almost twenty years, well if honest is probably a little more than. So that’s quite some time to be friends, so we always get along & have a nice time. Seeing him is my bit for the community as he is not only Canadian but ginger to boot, poor chap you have to feel for him don’t you, cant be at all easy for him. But he copes well given all that he has to live with, I couldn’t manage with those issues to contend with.
Yesterday I went for coffee with my friend, the one that I catch up with each month, its really nice to see him as we have known each other for quite a while & as much as I am loathed to admit it he is someone I would consider a good friend, indeed I do consider him as such. Made me laugh yesterday, I was talking & he asked what a word meant (idiosyncratic I think) & as I explained the definition he asked what the word I was using to explain meant, at that point I gave up & accepted the fact that not every one is articulate & eloquent (more words to look up) but quite simply with some people it is better to ration the words of more than two syllables.
So today was fun!!! A couple of weeks ago I had a lump, or what I thought was, in a personal place, my testicle. Now being down to earth & not prone to drama I ambled along to the doctor (well rushed) to insist that I had contracted an incurable disease. The Doctor had a feel (she called it examination but I could tell she was really looking for an excuse) & said that it seemed fine, maybe a slight cyst (so not fine then) & that I should go for a ultra sound scan. That was today, so off I trotted, with a great deal of trepidation & dread, not to mention fear. The doctor was rather understanding, an older guy so that was spooky. He scanned me & said that it was all clear & that I am healthy. Not one to be deterred I asked if he was sure I didn’t have cancer or something, why don’t I learn to keep my stupid gob shut? He turned the screen round & began to show me each & every centimetre of the the scan of my testicles, worse he insisted on describing it to me as well. I am rather squeamish so have learnt a valuable lesson: don’t ask doctors such questions, believe what they say.
So as ever this past week I have been attending the gym, otherwise known as the torture chamber. I didn’t realise so much sweat could come out of one person as it does out of me. It has to be the most arduous & painful couple of hours of my day, I think its a conspiracy between the gyms & confectionary makers to make people really suffer, & they succeed. But it seems that at long last it is actually having the desired affect, not me in agony, as several people have commented I look healthier. So I am, grudgingly, going still, in fact I am dumb enough to even feel guilty if I don’t go one day.
I have purposely not mentioned the miscreant, nerdowell dogs this week as feel that I should not be so unkind to them. Even though though do pick o the little cherub of ours, & they do go through bins the way most people go through a full fridge, and yes okay they do yap & bark at all & sundry, I admit they also stress their lovely, divine mummy out. But I still think they deserve a break for a week, this is confounded by the fact that it is Sid’s birthday this week, well yesterday. So HAPPY BIRTHDAY SID. Hope you enjoy your birthday, you had better as back to normal next week 
So after my continual chatter about Twitter one person has joined, so what the hell is stopping the rest of you? It is far more enjoyable, less frustrating & easier than Scrapbook so come on all of you lets see you on there.
Finally I have been accused (by he himself so not sure it counts) of not being nice to a very dear (well he is rather cheap actually) & much worshipped (by himself) friend, one who without him you would not be able to read, & immensely enjoy, this blog, so here publically (& it can be edited out later) I would like to say that Chuckles is immensely & utterly nice & indeed lovely.
Same time & same place next week then.
Missed Shows, Drinks with Friends & Bullying Dogs :-)
by Matt on Apr.29, 2009, under More Blogs
Welcome to my blog for yet another week, I do hope that life is treating you well.
Last Thursday was quite an up & down day. Firstly I had to go to the Job Centre as I had complained about one of the idiots who worked there. The manager of the centre is, rather surprisingly a really nice guy who takes the customer experience there seriously. Its really refreshing to meet someone at that place who actually cares about the way the place is & way people who go there are treated. So it was nice to actually feel like the feedback I had given (that the officer was a useless, rude, uncouth twat) was actually being taken seriously.
Then I had to go to Westfield. I have this issue with my Blackberry when I sync recurring tasks (if anyone out there knows about Blackberry’s & synchronisation please, I beg thee, contact me) & my friend had kindly arranged for me to go & see the Geek Squad. The guys were excellent & tried loads of different things to get it resolved, unfortunately they couldn’t figure out what was wrong with it. But they were so helpful, & friendly so I enjoyed being there.
I then had to meet three friends as I had managed to get tickets to se the Jonathan Ross Show. I was so excited as Helen Mirren was on it & I am a massive Helen Mirren fan, I think she is astoundingly fabulously fantastic. A legend in my sad little existence. So we were all due to meet at 5.30, two of my friends were there on time, in fact early. So one of them went & saved a place in the queue for us. My other friend & I then went to wait for the final friend. Who was late! Then we went to the queue & she didn’t want to push in the queue to where my friend had saved our place (she works in HR so its all group hugs, namby pamby Lovey stuff). As we were about to get in this guy, who worked for the BBC, though work would be a stretch of the word really, came up & told us, & all behind that they gave out more tickets than there are seats so we wouldn’t get in. I was distraught, inconsolable. But what annoyed me is that this had happened a couple of years ago to a friend who went to see a different show & those who didn’t get in were given priority tickets for the next week. Given that we had travelled quite a way between us I do think that the BBC should have done something along those lines.
But we ended up in a bar & all had a good chat so all was not lost at all. Was quite nice to sit & relax for a while as I don’t seem to get much time to do so. People think being out of work is easy but its actually really hard. I work harder looking for a job than I did working when had a job. Its far more stressful too, not to mention depressing.
Friday the weather was glorious, really nice & hot. Also P was off work so we went for a really nice 
walk. We walked up the canal to Victoria park, I often do this walk as its really nice, Milo loves it too. The canal is great, so much like the country, apart from the bloody bikes every two minutes. We also went to the fish & chip shop & got a portion. As we sat & ate (I fish & chips & P had special friends rice that he had made, he makes the best special fried rice ever) Milo decided that he was entitled to our lunch as well. Mind you he had a tough day, poor little 
harmless boy that he is. His little friends, Sid & Stan had picked on him that morning. That’s in between them scrounging round the bins, I really have never known two dogs who are so naughty ( ). As you can see from the picture they seem to be under the impression that bins are take away, not a place to put garbage & all kinds of crap. Sid is the worse of course as Stan divides his time between bin diving & picking on the angel that is known as Milo.
walk. We walked up the canal to Victoria park, I often do this walk as its really nice, Milo loves it too. The canal is great, so much like the country, apart from the bloody bikes every two minutes. We also went to the fish & chip shop & got a portion. As we sat & ate (I fish & chips & P had special friends rice that he had made, he makes the best special fried rice ever) Milo decided that he was entitled to our lunch as well. Mind you he had a tough day, poor little harmless boy that he is. His little friends, Sid & Stan had picked on him that morning. That’s in between them scrounging round the bins, I really have never known two dogs who are so naughty ( ). As you can see from the picture they seem to be under the impression that bins are take away, not a place to put garbage & all kinds of crap. Sid is the worse of course as Stan divides his time between bin diving & picking on the angel that is known as Milo.Sunday was fun. Again the weather was good, rather surprisingly not just as this is London, but also as it was marathon day. We are quite fortunate as the marathon goes up the Highway & we live in the Highway so can see it really easily, just by walking two minutes. So P, Milo & I went & watch that for a few minutes, then went to the park opposite. We really don’t get enough time together as P works such long hours. So its really nice when get the opportunity to do so. Milo got all excited though & over heated rather a bit so we had to sit him down & make him drink water to cool himself down a bit.
We then went to meet friends in West India Quay, we went to Via Fossa but of course sat outside, as the weather was so good but also as Milo isn’t allowed inside the bar, bloody disgusting if you ask 
me. It was nice as I had known one of the guys, they are a couple, for years, but never met his partner, P knew his partner (though only recently) but didn’t know my friend. So we all came together to meet, which was very enjoyable. We all went to the movies afterwards, watched In The Loop, I had seen it & think it is a great movie, very funny. But P didn’t like it, think its because it wasn’t in Cantonese But all in all was a really nice day, & in fact was a great weekend, made me realise that P & I really don’t get enough time together.
me. It was nice as I had known one of the guys, they are a couple, for years, but never met his partner, P knew his partner (though only recently) but didn’t know my friend. So we all came together to meet, which was very enjoyable. We all went to the movies afterwards, watched In The Loop, I had seen it & think it is a great movie, very funny. But P didn’t like it, think its because it wasn’t in Cantonese But all in all was a really nice day, & in fact was a great weekend, made me realise that P & I really don’t get enough time together.On Monday I had an interview, at T Mobile. Their offices are in Hatfield, which I thought was going to take ages, but was really about same amount of time that takes to get across London. I did however make the mistake of thinking I would get to know the area by walking to the offices from the train station. I hadn’t bargained on the rain, fortunately I had an umbrella with me. But it was not a pleasant walk. I usually get really nervous when go to interviews, & the result is I fuck the interview up, but for some reason this time I wasn’t too nervous. No idea why, but am rather pleased that I wasn’t. So am hoping that I actually did better than I usually do, don’t think I waffled as much, which is remarkable given I waffle at the best of times so to not do so when nervous is astounding. But I do hope I get the second interview as really like the sound of the job. Fingers crossed please.
Have been going to the torture chamber as usual this week, am still loathing it. I absolutely dread 
going there, but weirdly (which I know I am) I am okay once get there, its the getting there that is the problem for me. It is beginning to work though as a couple of people have commented I look healthier & less fat, I wouldn’t go as far as to say slim as that would clearly be a lie. I do find that some days are easier than others, I think that I am the kind of person who needs to keep going, on treadmill, as if stop I find it hard to get going again.
going there, but weirdly (which I know I am) I am okay once get there, its the getting there that is the problem for me. It is beginning to work though as a couple of people have commented I look healthier & less fat, I wouldn’t go as far as to say slim as that would clearly be a lie. I do find that some days are easier than others, I think that I am the kind of person who needs to keep going, on treadmill, as if stop I find it hard to get going again.I am on Twitter now, I notice that a few of my friends are on there but they don’t Twitter, don’t update, what the fuck is the point of that? I far prefer it to Facebook as its easier & quicker. If you have Twitter & do update, please let me know so I can stalk, oops mean follow, you.
Same time same place next week all? Have a great week. xxx
Final word goes to Milo, woof & lick …..
More Walks, Man & Canine Torture
by Matt on Apr.22, 2009, under More Blogs
First of al lets get the British obsession out of the way, yes I know the weather has been delightfully wonderful this week, and with that said I will continue with this weeks entry.
Last Friday I decided that Milo & I should have one of our walks. I had intended to go for an hour or so. But I kind of got caught up in my own little world with my thoughts & walked along the Thames Path all the way to Embankment, then took the long walk back. It was quite nice when I left home, but by the time that I was back at the park opposite where we live it had started to rain, well it started when we were down by Wapping High Street. To begin with Milo started to walk slower, then he was walking in doorways & under trees, after that he started to sit in every doorway & under every tree. Finally he refused to walk so for the last 10 minutes I had to carry him home. I often wonder who is the master & who the dog!
Looks like back to the old ways of the blog as the next item is about Milo as well, I do hope that you have noticed that in the past couple of weeks I have tried to make the entries more diverse & not so Milo orientated. Obviously this week it seems this philosophy is not a complete success!
So Sunday came upon us. Where I still have no job, being useless & completely crap so not finding one as yet, we are only being able to have Milo groomed every three months rather than each month 
a we do when I had a job. The consequence of this is that we have to bathe him ourselves on the months that he isn’t groomed, when I say we I of course mean me as P is usually at work. So I got all his bits together, along with the hairdryer, & round to our best friends we walked, Milo completely unsuspecting else he would not have been quite so spritely. When we got there & went to the bathroom &b he saw what was coming I have never seen him run, whilst crying., so fast. He really is quite a wimp. I had to carry him to the bathroom (this week I have been so pleased we chose a small dog & not a big, heavy one). He really cried & fought this month, more so than usual, you would think I was drowning him. But it was worth it, bathing him not drowning him, as his fur came out so soft & fluffy after his shower.
a we do when I had a job. The consequence of this is that we have to bathe him ourselves on the months that he isn’t groomed, when I say we I of course mean me as P is usually at work. So I got all his bits together, along with the hairdryer, & round to our best friends we walked, Milo completely unsuspecting else he would not have been quite so spritely. When we got there & went to the bathroom &b he saw what was coming I have never seen him run, whilst crying., so fast. He really is quite a wimp. I had to carry him to the bathroom (this week I have been so pleased we chose a small dog & not a big, heavy one). He really cried & fought this month, more so than usual, you would think I was drowning him. But it was worth it, bathing him not drowning him, as his fur came out so soft & fluffy after his shower.Yesterday I had a job interview, it was at the local authority. I really am a complete twat as I am rubbish at interviews. For some reason I get nervous & kind of don’t know how to talk logically or sell myself. Those of you who know me will appreciate that this is rather a case of Jekyll & Hyde, or Bruce Banner & Hulk in reverse. So I had researched, prepped myself by getting a pep talk with my very delightful (& farting in movies) friend, had tried to relax. I planned well as the interview 
was literally 3 minutes from my best friends flat so I asked him to take my suit over the night before. I got up on the morning of the interview early so could walk Milo (I almost went a paragraph without mentioning him, withdrawal was upon me). Then I got my bag together, put him on his lead & walked over to my best friends place. I had a wash, put his deodorant on, then went to get dressed. How fucking stupid can one person be, how moronic & completely like a twat? Well in my case outstandingly so. I had forgotten my shirt needed cufflinks. So my best friend & I had to leave like 25 minutes early & go to find some, in bloody Chrisp Street, hardly Bond Street now is it. The first place we went to only had ones with the England flag on, hardly fitting for an interview with a multi cultural local authority, so I had to settle for these small silver ones that did the job nicely. They are now left at my friends flat just in case.
was literally 3 minutes from my best friends flat so I asked him to take my suit over the night before. I got up on the morning of the interview early so could walk Milo (I almost went a paragraph without mentioning him, withdrawal was upon me). Then I got my bag together, put him on his lead & walked over to my best friends place. I had a wash, put his deodorant on, then went to get dressed. How fucking stupid can one person be, how moronic & completely like a twat? Well in my case outstandingly so. I had forgotten my shirt needed cufflinks. So my best friend & I had to leave like 25 minutes early & go to find some, in bloody Chrisp Street, hardly Bond Street now is it. The first place we went to only had ones with the England flag on, hardly fitting for an interview with a multi cultural local authority, so I had to settle for these small silver ones that did the job nicely. They are now left at my friends flat just in case.Then on the way from the shops to the interview I started to feel this excruciating stinging under my arms. My friends deodorant was Right Guard (other flammable pain inducing sprays are available) & not suitable for sensitive skin, it was really uncomfortable & very painful. So we had to get some baby wipes which as I was now running dead on time rather than early, I had to use whilst walking along, what an idiot I looked. Got to the interview flustered & uncomfortable. Went in & answered all the questions but was again nervous as hell. Needless to say I am now wanting some real time advice from my (farting in cinema & drunk in Chinese cafe) friend. Fortunately I ma seeing her tomorrow so will book some time as I tried to arrange by email but the useless blond didn’t get back to my email. So I now have to wait until next Friday to see just how much of a disaster I made of the interview.
I am furious with myself as I am more than aware that I am more than capable of doing this job, & then some. I know that I am bloody good at what I do, & that I could really develop that role & that it would have been a good one & I would have enjoyed it. I hate the fact that I am not working & feel completely useless, despondent, frustrated, helpless. It isn’t helped by the current climate at all, but I just want to get back to work & feel crap that when an opportunity arises I mess it up as get nervous in interviews. Especially as I have nothing to be nervous about.
Doom & gloom section over.
Today has been pretty exhausting. I had made plans to go & see a friend I used to work with in North Acton. So these days I walk or cycle 99% of places to keep fit, lose weight & save money. So I set off on my bike, around Harrow Road I got lost like a pillock & ended up having to go the long way & coming out by Queensway, so went that way, via Shepherds Bush. All in all it took me an hour & a half to get there, as you can imagine was quite hot & sticky after all that time cycling. Into reception I went & told them who I was there to see, her voice mail was on. So I called her mobile, which went to voice mail, so emailed her. 15 bloody minutes I waited there like a fool. In the end I called another, reliable, friend who came & got me. But that was good as it gave me a chance to catch up with her as she is such a great & wonderful person who I truly have a lot of time for.
The other friend eventually turned up so managed to catch up with her as well, she is always fun. We went to the nearest bar & got a shandy, it was great to sit outside (apart from the fact its on a main road so full of noise, fumes & rubbish, & watch the world go by whilst we chatted.
I have been going to the torture chamber regularly again this week. I am still loathing going & hate 
every single second that I am there. But I have now got to the stage now where I am not looking for excuses not to go so I guess that’s a step in the right direction. I think it, as well as my walking & cycling & eating better, is actually beginning to show as several people have said that they noticed I am losing weight & looking a lot healthier, so it seems my hours of pain & loathing are not in complete vain.
every single second that I am there. But I have now got to the stage now where I am not looking for excuses not to go so I guess that’s a step in the right direction. I think it, as well as my walking & cycling & eating better, is actually beginning to show as several people have said that they noticed I am losing weight & looking a lot healthier, so it seems my hours of pain & loathing are not in complete vain.On that fine note I will end, hope to see, chat, talk, email, text you soon. Bye bye for now.
Oh before I go, my very good friend is enthralled that her misbehaving, bad influencing, shit eating, bullying dogs have become famous via being mentioned on this site, so here just for her is a picture of the dog that dirties, bullies, bites, barks at & scares the adorable cherub that is Milo the angel.
Narrow, Incredible No Food Diet & More Walks
by Matt on Apr.15, 2009, under More Blogs
Ah, Easter, full of delight, chocolate (makes you fat so depressed about weight), religion (lets not even start), school holidays (screaming kids under your feet annoying you), on the plus side though public transport is not as busy, though still as dirty & noisy, oh smelly too. But what has this past week held for me & my sad little existence.
Last Friday a friend that I use to work with came over. That was very good as hadn’t seen her for ages, the old chestnut, friend gets boyfriend so you don’t see her for ages But was really cool to catch up & chat, I do like to see friends as it just isn’t the same emailing & sending text messages, nothing like face to face. Besides which I am far too impatient & want answers now, not when they receive & respond.
But was really cool to catch up & chat, I do like to see friends as it just isn’t the same emailing & sending text messages, nothing like face to face. Besides which I am far too impatient & want answers now, not when they receive & respond.Saturday was really good. P was off so that was cool. But also my Mum, step father came over with their two friends from Florida, I was astounded as I have no love for Americans (other then Chuckles, have to say that else he will pull the plug on my blog & have the universal opinion of them being loud, brash, arrogant & twats and that’s the nice ones. But back to my mums friends., they were really nice, very friendly & really good to talk to, so enjoyed meeting them. They met my parents on a cruise (the sailing kind not a stroll along Hampstead Heath looking for trade) somewhere or other & seemed to get along very well, as my mother tells me at every given opportunity & often just mentions it in case I had forgotten in the 3 minutes since she last mentioned it!
& have the universal opinion of them being loud, brash, arrogant & twats and that’s the nice ones. But back to my mums friends., they were really nice, very friendly & really good to talk to, so enjoyed meeting them. They met my parents on a cruise (the sailing kind not a stroll along Hampstead Heath looking for trade) somewhere or other & seemed to get along very well, as my mother tells me at every given opportunity & often just mentions it in case I had forgotten in the 3 minutes since she last mentioned it!We all went to The Narrow, which is not some strip joint but a nice gastro pub owned by some celebrity chef. We all had a really nice meal & the food was great, very palatable indeed in my expert opinion. The atmosphere was really good, the waiter excellent, answered all my mums questions without once raising his voice. The clientele were good as well, especially the lady on the next table whom, my mum (to my embarrassment) not only asked what the fish pie was like but then leaned over to enquire how the trifle was despite having no intention of ordering one, poor woman must have wished the doctors would return to collect my mum! The view is great as it looks straight out onto the river, unless your sitting where I was in which case you have an unhindered view of a guys hair piece. We then came back to our flat & had coffee & stuff. So was a good day all in all, but then it usually is when Mum & Johnny come over as I am loathed to admit it (as she will never stop mentioning it) but they are great company & I love it when they come.
On the Sunday after the movies P took me to a place called Wings Buffet, its as glamorous as it sounds. We had not been there for quite a while, & now we remember why. The food is quite good its just the selection is not that great, okay its dire. But the most off putting thing is the clientele, to say they have the manners of pigs would be an insult to farmyards everywhere. To add to this the fact that you get the usual teenage girls sitting with them glaring at you, why I cant fathom it seems to be a thing that the teenage girls in this area do, & generally make you feel uncomfortable does not make for a fine dining experience.
Yesterday was pure manic. In the late morning I had to go & see a friend for lunch, well I say lunch I am still on my amazing diet so a skinny latte was lunch, of which I only drank half. But anyway, I had not seen my friend for about 7 years so it was cool to meet up again & catch up on all that we have been doing in the meantime. Quite a lot it turns out. So that was nice to sit & chat for a bit.
I then had to go straight, well walk as another part of this incredible diet is that I walk or cycle everywhere, to the city as another friend was viewing a flat. I had rather kindly I thought, offered to show him where it was. I cant believe the prices in the private sector of property. We are really fortunate as we have a housing association place, its in a great location (you really think I am going to put my address on the internet, get a fucking grip), a good size, close to all amenities & reasonably priced (I missed my vocation I should be an estate agent, oh but no I cant as am not an out & out c**t). This place my friend saw is just a studio, open plan living space, which was smaller than our lounge, a shower not a bath. You would be sleeping on a sofa bed, yuk, I remember my dad had one & you have a bar sticking in your back all night, use to hate sleeping on it, well I guess they aren’t like that anymore I am after all talking about over 15 years ago! The rent for this shoe box was £250.00 plus all bills, fucking hell, I couldn’t believe my ears when he said it. I really do prefer living in this little world of mine than the real one.
I then met my best friend to go to the movies (how jet set am I). He had told me not to get any popcorn or anything as he had got me ‘a healthy snack’ Like the idiot, gullible one, that I am I believed him, what did he turn up with, organic popcorn, no; fruit, no, he turned up with a Asda tub of fucking mixed nuts, how are you going to enjoy them whilst watching a movie, I despair.
I am sure to be tempting fate by mentioning this next thing but am going to anyway, as I don’t have much hope of finding a job anymore such is the state of the economy & my bad luck. I applied for a job with Tower hamlets, now my thinking went something like this…. I have worked in the private sector & had a few jobs, most, but by no means all, of my managers have been demanding, arrogant, primadonna (especially, & most of all) my most recent one who believed the worlds revolved around them & their massive egos. So I thought okay, you earn less working in the public sector but on the upside you have job security, a pension, better holidays, its local so less travelling, so I applied. Well 
that & my friend did most of the form for me So I received an email & thought wow a interview, no such fucking luck, can you believe how HR has gone mad, I know that they think that they run the whole of the world but really they have to be stopped from coming up with these ridiculous processes. The days before you had an interview & were then tested, like an in-tray test or something. No not anymore some twerp (no doubt some college leaver who is so politically correct they sound a right twat) has come up with this, I had to sit an hour & a half test, & then I will find out if I get an interview, fucking stupid. So anyway fingers crossed please.
that & my friend did most of the form for me So I received an email & thought wow a interview, no such fucking luck, can you believe how HR has gone mad, I know that they think that they run the whole of the world but really they have to be stopped from coming up with these ridiculous processes. The days before you had an interview & were then tested, like an in-tray test or something. No not anymore some twerp (no doubt some college leaver who is so politically correct they sound a right twat) has come up with this, I had to sit an hour & a half test, & then I will find out if I get an interview, fucking stupid. So anyway fingers crossed please.Then this afternoon I had a simply splendid time. So those astute amongst you (no one then) will no doubt have noted an absence in this weeks blog thus far. This is intentional as I have been told a few times (mostly by my friendly partner in crime when it comes to dog walking, well walking round talking whilst our dogs fight, okay I admit it, one of her dogs bully my angel & the other of her dogs disappears only to reappear with some vile & disgusting morsel in his mouth) that al I talk about is the one & only, the angel, the light of my life, the well behaved, the beautiful P, oops P is all those of course but I meant Milo. I have therefore restrained from mentioning him until the final, almost, paragraph. So a good friend, another who I use to work with, but not one mentioned above, & I made arrangements to meet up today. At the last minute I aid I would take Milo with me, which of course delighted her, being of sound mind & having exquisite taste. We met at the London Eye, sticking to my
regime I walked there, which was a drama as Milo decided he needed to nose at every corner he came to & walk erratically from left to right. We had a great time, first & foremost it was a great time catching up & chatting with my friend, she is really great company & captivating to talk to, she us really knowledgeable & I love people like that as despite the illusion that I am a dim witted twat I actually like interesting conversation & gaining knowledge. Apart from that the weather for once was lovely (despite the fact that P insisted I take a jumper so had to carry a bloody great thing in my bag), we walked through St James’ Park, past Buck Pal, along the South Bank etc, it was a delight. If anyone else fancies a afternoon walking round & chatting then please get in touch as I would love to do it again.
regime I walked there, which was a drama as Milo decided he needed to nose at every corner he came to & walk erratically from left to right. We had a great time, first & foremost it was a great time catching up & chatting with my friend, she is really great company & captivating to talk to, she us really knowledgeable & I love people like that as despite the illusion that I am a dim witted twat I actually like interesting conversation & gaining knowledge. Apart from that the weather for once was lovely (despite the fact that P insisted I take a jumper so had to carry a bloody great thing in my bag), we walked through St James’ Park, past Buck Pal, along the South Bank etc, it was a delight. If anyone else fancies a afternoon walking round & chatting then please get in touch as I would love to do it again.That my fine audience is about it for this week, as always I thank you for reading & look forward to seeing you here next week, my fondest regards. XXX
Time Wasted, Drinks with Emma & Naughty Dogs
by Matt on Apr.08, 2009, under More Blogs
Hello there everyone.
And so its time for another update, entry or whatever on this my blog, for your entertainment.
Oh my god, how busy was I last Thursday. First of all I of course went to the gym, am still hating that but doing it about five times a week, why cant I just stop being a greedy pig, would save me so much suffering. Then I had to go & sign on. As you, if you paid attention to past weeks, know I don’t get any benefit but only go so my pension isn’t affected. Because of this I don’t fill in that stupid little booklet that says what jobs you have applied for. So I sat down ready to sign on when the jerk officer asked what I had been doing to look for work, answer him I did, he then asked for my booklet, to which I, dumbly, was honest & said that I hadn’t done it but have a record of all jobs applied for on my laptop. This jobs worth officer who has no brain and no life (else would he be there, in a cheap G Shock watch!) started to lecture me on how it was my responsibility to fill it in & part of the contract, I argued that the contract also states I will be paid Job Seekers Allowance, which I don’t receive. I had to get home for a telephone interview, so told this guy this. You would think that this would make him realise that I was in fact doing some real work to look for a job, but no the dim-witted guy carried on, so I said I didn’t have time for his pettiness when I need to get prepared for the interview. So he refused to sign me on saying I would have to go back later.
So then I had to go home & be interviewed over the telephone completely stressed out & frustrated, great, brilliant system we have there from the DWP & there inane staff. Which of course meant that I did not make as good a job of the interview that I would like to have done.
That evening I went to the West End, with Milo, to see a good friend. I had gone to get some advice on interview skills & techniques as she is supposed to know about this. But she was talking so much that we didn’t cover any interview tips let alone techniques. But did have a good time as it was good to see her, as it always is, apart from when she is farting in movies. We went to a nice bar just behind Oxford Street, with an outdoor area for Milo. He was his usual well behaved self & all around adored him, of course. My friend bumped into someone she worked with so we sat with her, she was so much like Alice from Vicar of Dibley that it was uncanny. Very surreal experience that was.
The next day off back to the DWP I went, only to wait 45 minutes to be seen, oh how I hate the place. Its full of real dregs of society, who have all the eloquence of Fagin, with the smell to match. How do these people who clearly have never worked, manage to afford the latest clothes, phones etc? It never ceases to amaze me as to why the DWP don’t do more to clamp down on these scrounging gits. After waiting the 45 minutes I had to be patronised by this stupid woman who managed to witter on about this booklet for 20 minutes, sad cow. I just agreed with what she said so I could get out of the place.
Saturday saw the sun coming out, which in itself is a miracle. So after my usual torture session I called my best friend, as 
Little P was at work, was his weekend of working, just my luck when it was nice. So call my best friend I did & suggested a walk with the baby Milo. So over he came & we got all of Milo’s stuff ready, he has so much stuff when we go out, containers for water, treats, pooh bags, leads, balls etc, the list goes on. Off to the canal we went. I go up the canal quite often, several times a week, as it really is a lovely walk, especially when the weather is good. We walked on to Broadway Market as the vet had told me that its nice there. It was packed, loads of stalls selling cakes, bread, foods and stuff, and like a twat I had forgot to take cash & there was no cash machine. So drawl over the cakes I did whilst Milo jumped around trying to grab them out of peoples hands, little idiot missed though. We then went to Victoria Park & to the fish & chip shot that I mentioned in previous weeks & got fish & chips, it was lovely so divine & melt in your mouth. We were walking for four hours & when we got back even Milo was exhausted.
Little P was at work, was his weekend of working, just my luck when it was nice. So call my best friend I did & suggested a walk with the baby Milo. So over he came & we got all of Milo’s stuff ready, he has so much stuff when we go out, containers for water, treats, pooh bags, leads, balls etc, the list goes on. Off to the canal we went. I go up the canal quite often, several times a week, as it really is a lovely walk, especially when the weather is good. We walked on to Broadway Market as the vet had told me that its nice there. It was packed, loads of stalls selling cakes, bread, foods and stuff, and like a twat I had forgot to take cash & there was no cash machine. So drawl over the cakes I did whilst Milo jumped around trying to grab them out of peoples hands, little idiot missed though. We then went to Victoria Park & to the fish & chip shot that I mentioned in previous weeks & got fish & chips, it was lovely so divine & melt in your mouth. We were walking for four hours & when we got back even Milo was exhausted.Now then onto a subject that I do enjoy talking about, how good little Milo is. I have often mentioned on here that he is rather well behaved. Each morning we go out at just after 7.30, after he has eaten his breakfast, dedicated father that I am I don’t even have a coffee until we get back, before I go to the gym. So in the park Milo has quite a few friends that he plays with, & shows how they should behave. But he has two regular & best friends, Sid & Stan they are called (I know not very imaginative names but they are such lovely, if unruly, dogs). Sid is a walking waste disposal unit who keeps disappearing & his mum has to shout for him at 2 minute intervals, he eats 
anything & everything, in the past two weeks I have seem him chewing on horse crap, I lie not, revolting it was, but he then went on to eat dog vomit this week, yuk. Stan is better behaved, but delights in biting the poor Milo’s leg, just because Milo is showing him that he trusts him, in the traditional doggie manner. But I have to say Milo is, in my opinion the better behaved, a example I hear you cry, proof you require. I not one to let you all down have provided it. The picture to the right is one taken this week. Sid 7 Stand lovely, long suffering mummy had some treats, sit we said to all three doggies, the picture is the result, please note who is leaping about in disarray and disobedience & who is sitting with self restraint & dignity. I rest my case. But we do love them.
anything & everything, in the past two weeks I have seem him chewing on horse crap, I lie not, revolting it was, but he then went on to eat dog vomit this week, yuk. Stan is better behaved, but delights in biting the poor Milo’s leg, just because Milo is showing him that he trusts him, in the traditional doggie manner. But I have to say Milo is, in my opinion the better behaved, a example I hear you cry, proof you require. I not one to let you all down have provided it. The picture to the right is one taken this week. Sid 7 Stand lovely, long suffering mummy had some treats, sit we said to all three doggies, the picture is the result, please note who is leaping about in disarray and disobedience & who is sitting with self restraint & dignity. I rest my case. But we do love them.That dear readers is it for this week, I do hope you enjoy this blog. Same time next week then?
Tasks, Picnic, Breaking Balls & Anniversaries
by Matt on Apr.01, 2009, under More Blogs
Good day everyone, how is life a treating you all? I do hope all is fine & dandy, or as well as can be expected.
I have been going to the gym as regularly as I am able again this week, apart from early part of this week, reason will become apparent later in this blog. Also, been further killing myself with jogging & loads of walking everywhere, if not walking cycling, I don’t mind the cycling so much as I can listen to my iPod whilst cycling. I know its dangerous, everyone tells me but hey in London its preferable than hearing all the traffic around you! But the exercising is going well, when I say that I mean as far as torturing oneself without going to Guantanamo Bay goes.
Also been to see a couple of movies, two of them are really good so after reading this feel free, or obliged (!) to go and check them out on the movies page of this blog. I am often asked which movies I recommend, a quick guide, if you cannot be arsed to read my reviews (despite me taking ages & making them as entertaining as a unimaginative fool can) then the best ones have a picture in the review, a kind of dummies guide (dough ball server you know who you are).
P has been on annual leave this past week, as well as the one before, so we have been doing stuff together, its kind of unusual as usually he works such long hours that I tend to do most things on my own. Therefore its been good to have him at home and being able to do stuff together. It also means we have been talking rather than sending a text or email to each other, & they say communication is dead, like hell it is with us, I pray to the god of Blackberry daily. Apart from the past few days as got a problem that is driving me to frustration and fucking annoying me like mad. Any one know the solution, here is the problem:
In my tasks I have some that are recurring. When I mark one completed in Outlook all works fine. But on the Blackberry if I mark it as completed the new one (e.g. next weeks) goes to tomorrow, not to the week time, if you then mark that one complete it goes to a week from tomorrow, rather than today, so need to adjust it manually. If I untick daylight saving on my PC, in Time Zones, tasks work perfectly, but calendar goes all out. If I add a recurring task directly to the BlackBerry it works fine.
If anyone does know the remedy I will be so grateful, I thank you.
Last Saturday P & our best friend, along with me of course, else it wouldn’t be here would it, went to China Town for Dim Sum (should that be capitals?). We go to a restaurant in Gerrard Street & always have a nice time when go there. The food is lovely, the good thing about Dim Sum, in my fat opinion, is that you can eat quite a few different things & because they are so small its not overly fattening, which when you’re as greedy as I am is such a great thing. So had good morning there. Afterwards we walked, well in truth P dragged me, round some of the shops, how he can spend so long looking in shops I don’t quite get, but he had a good time which is good.
Sunday saw me packing a picnic, well I say packing a picnic, I threw some ham, salmon, crisps, a knife in my bag, we bought rolls in Sainsbury on way. Off we trekked to Hyde Park, though we ended up getting off of the bus at Regents Street & walking up Piccadilly. I enjoy going to Hyde Park on a Sunday as I take great delight in watching the roller skaters & willing them to fall over, so when one does I am 
ecstatic & overjoyed at watching those posing twats end up on their arse in pain, the more pain the better. Milo of course loves going & thrills at chasing the squirrels, pigeons, birds, people, balls, well anything that remotely looks fun to him. He is I am sure under the impression that the whole world is there for his entertainment as he is always chewing the end of sticks, running after balls, helping himself to our picnic, then looking as butter wouldn’t melt in his mouth. I blame P for pampering him too much & not being as strict as I am, I would never let him help himself to food or have any whilst I was eating. But we did have a nice walk and it was good for al three of us to go out & relax.
ecstatic & overjoyed at watching those posing twats end up on their arse in pain, the more pain the better. Milo of course loves going & thrills at chasing the squirrels, pigeons, birds, people, balls, well anything that remotely looks fun to him. He is I am sure under the impression that the whole world is there for his entertainment as he is always chewing the end of sticks, running after balls, helping himself to our picnic, then looking as butter wouldn’t melt in his mouth. I blame P for pampering him too much & not being as strict as I am, I would never let him help himself to food or have any whilst I was eating. But we did have a nice walk and it was good for al three of us to go out & relax.So I have had this throbbing pain in a rather personal place, well two places for most of last week so finally built up the courage, after P & our friend, ridiculed me calling me a wimp & hypochondriac (all this whilst walking the dogs, no wonder her ones are so badly behaved & one wont come back when called, couldn’t resist) & went to the Drop in Centre, that’s the NHS one not the local community centre to show them some real ball games. Well they said I should go to my GP. made an appointment, off I limped. Well what would you know, after a examination the doctor declared, much to my warped delight (I had already thought of how I was going to play up on this to make them feel guilty for taking the piss from my pain) I was told I had a cyst in my, well somewhere I don’t know how to spell. So I have to take it easy at the gym & exerting myself, so as not to cause more trauma to that area.
After that we went for a walk, up Regents Canal, I do love that walk its so nice & peaceful. Stopping off at the butcher as P likes to get the meat from there. We got a lovely rib of beef there, he cooked it yesterday & it tasted so nice.
In the evening I went & met a friend for coffee, & cake (was so yummy, thanks you for that) at Patisserie Valerie, one of my very favourite places. Its the same friend that I meet for a chat every month, so as usual was good to catch up & see what was going on in his little life. He asked me not to put any of his secrets on this site as his boyfriend now reads this blog, such is ,my infamy, that or he just wants a good laugh at my excuse for an existence. So catch up we did, eat cake, well he sat there & said he was going to gym to lose weight, said he hadn’t eaten all day & ordered a Mozzarella (fattening cheese) ciabatta (fattening bread), chips (do I need to say anything) & stuffed it into his mouth, then as an after thought said well nothing all day except a salad!!! Hmmmm wonder why its taking him a long time at the gym to lose weight!
Today was all about P, & lets face it he runs round after me most days & does an amazing job of cooking whilst working & with me not having a job holds us together at the moment, so one day is all he 
asks, & its the very least I can do. Why today you ask, if you’re not asking you should surely be. Well its his birthday, yes he was born on April Fools day,. but as those of you who know him will attest to he is no fool. But it is also our anniversary, we had our civil partnership ceremony (what a fucking mouth full) three years ago today. So off we went to the movies, saw an excellent movie as well. After that he went to the gym, I came back & called about a hundred help lines (now there’s a contradiction in terms) to try to get my Tasks issue sorted, which of course I didn’t get done, useless twats they are. So after that we went for a meal. Every year we go to the same restaurant, it is the one where we had our reception at, its so nice there. Its in Wapping & the food is excellent, also the people there are so friendly & nice to us so it makes it such an enjoyable experience. Also, like this week its nice to sit down with P & have a chance to eat & chat, talk without all the usual distractions (exactly as I typed that Milo jumped up my legs & clawed my arm for attention, need I say more, perfect timing from the little boy). Would like to publicly thank , my lovely mum for the meal as she paid for it which is really nice of her & we are both grateful.
asks, & its the very least I can do. Why today you ask, if you’re not asking you should surely be. Well its his birthday, yes he was born on April Fools day,. but as those of you who know him will attest to he is no fool. But it is also our anniversary, we had our civil partnership ceremony (what a fucking mouth full) three years ago today. So off we went to the movies, saw an excellent movie as well. After that he went to the gym, I came back & called about a hundred help lines (now there’s a contradiction in terms) to try to get my Tasks issue sorted, which of course I didn’t get done, useless twats they are. So after that we went for a meal. Every year we go to the same restaurant, it is the one where we had our reception at, its so nice there. Its in Wapping & the food is excellent, also the people there are so friendly & nice to us so it makes it such an enjoyable experience. Also, like this week its nice to sit down with P & have a chance to eat & chat, talk without all the usual distractions (exactly as I typed that Milo jumped up my legs & clawed my arm for attention, need I say more, perfect timing from the little boy). Would like to publicly thank , my lovely mum for the meal as she paid for it which is really nice of her & we are both grateful.And there is another week done & dusted, still no job, still no life. See you same place next week, xxxx
This weeks PS… People have noted that I swear a lot on this blog (I hadn’t noticed) so I have made an effort to keep it to a minimum this week, hope all you lily liberals are pleased
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