Archive for October, 2009
Rough Bar & Queens of Desert
by Matt on Oct.28, 2009, under Blogs
friend had arranged to go to the theatre. They were both not working, P was on annual leave and our friend well she just malingers about in general. Actually in seriousness, if I really must (and I must else she makes my life a living hell) she has the hardest job I the world as looks after 2 unruly and terrible dogs, two just as unruly but lazy kids and a demanding husband. I digressed, I was at work and they arranged to meet me, they were late I might add, in the roughest pub in the West End, when they said where they were I almost went and changed to a winos outfit. But I braved the dregs of humanity to meet them and got there where in fitting with the venue they had ordered me a lager rather than the civilised wine I tend to sup.
marvellous view indeed. I had dutifully put 50p in the slot & got P a pair of opera glasses. Sometimes his English gives way, usually when it suits him for it to do so as he alleged he though it was right that I had bought them when I discovered them in his ‘man’ bag at home later. We saw Priscilla Queen of the desert & I have to say it was very good indeed. Great music, great sets, great dancing & the singers were excellent. The only thing I would say is that after seeing the film (which had excellent casting) the three main characters don’t quite hit the mark as the film ones did. Jason Donavan I felt was mis-cast as he didn’t really seem to fit the role. But all in all its good, go see it as it is fantastic fun indeed.
Nortwat, Modelling & A Lovely Lady beginning with T
by Matt on Oct.21, 2009, under Blogs
but went along hoping he would have some good guests. We had priority seats so were fortunate in that knew we would get in, unlike the previous week. In we got, sat down expecting a jolly good show, well one of us had a ball as Katie (attention seeking slut) Price was the main guest, I loathe her as does our farting friend, P however thinks she is wonderful, well he is married to me so has low expectations for heavens sake! I have never seen a woman so false, both physically & mentally as she is, she also has to hog the lime, more jade green in her case, light. The woman is unbelievable ion that nothing is her fault, but as she is the best thing on this planet, this seems to be an attitude shared by her & Nortwat alone. But on the up side the other guests were good, Jo Brand who is amazingly funny, with a razor sharp tongue you could use to shave with. The other guest was Jackie Collins who is rather pleasantly surprisingly entertaining though rather self absorbed, one gets the feeling that even with her success & age she still feels in her sisters shadow. But apart from the over bearing, self obsessed, foul mouthed troll that is Jordan it was rather a good evening, if only Nortwat wasn’t there it would be pleasant.
Jamie with the able assistance of a stylist who was obsessed with Top Man, which those of you who know me will attest I cannot stand. I get there & not knowing what to expect am rather quiet, which all around enjoyed. I had to wear this colourful cardigan, some black trousers (originality abound), a black & white check shirt with bow tie, which didn’t look too bad I suppose, well if I had thumb screws attached I would say so. I seriously had not thought this through as I
neglected to register that it would mean having to wear make up, I felt such a poof, more so than usual, as I sat there whilst a rather lovely girl applied a load of the stuff to my face & even my ears. Then I was taken to the back stage area where Errol proceeded to use what I am told are called, crimpling tongs, which didn’t only straighten my hair but crimpled (I really should have seen the clue ion the tools name) it as well, he added a can of hair spray, snipped a bit & played with nit with a afro comb (I am told). I do have to say it is a testament to his skill just how well he did it, though will never admit this to his face. Then I had to go onto the stage, again I had not thought the process through, & be pushed & prodded so he could explain to the audience what he had done, though in technical terms not using my pigeon knowledge of hair styling. But okay I admit it was quite fun, well the actual show was. Then I went home & had to spend an hour in the bath getting all the stuff out of my hair & getting it back to its usual style.harsh manner & hurting the sensitive soul that I am, so I said I would reap my revenge here last week, which you will agree I did. Well, she really gave me a hard time at the weekend when I was walking my lovely, well behaved, well groomed & beloved Milo. So I said I will say something nice this week, after hours & days of thinking I have it I think!!!! So I would like to say a big hello, howdy & hey (in a saccharin American voice) to the wonderful, the lovely, the sweet smelling, the dulcet, the eloquent, the delicious, the one & only (sigh of relief) hardworking (that bit is true, very true), long suffering (as is that), uber wonderful friend that is Satan’s Assholes & Stan’s mum, hello you.No BBC, More River Trips & Swearing Fish Wives
by Matt on Oct.14, 2009, under Blogs
daddy to play with him & give him his minute by minute dose of attention. It seems that he doesn’t like to be left on his own. We have had to take to having a radio on & television (on mute, he really does watch it, gets that from his mum!!!!) in the bedroom as well as the lounge. I am seriously wondering if working is worth it if its going to make Milo unhappy, it defeats the point of having a job as far as I am concerned. I don’t want a melancholy & forlorn son now do I, he could turn to drink, like his dad does!!!
relative he is, I think 2nd cousin or 2nd nephew, if his mum is my mums cousin, oh crap I don’t know but something like that, I am rubbish at family trees etc) who is a young guy that to begin with my mum believed you had to shout at slowly, until I told her he was German not stupid or deaf. No wonder he looked shell shocked with my mum blasting him with her shouting all week 
Right so they got here & after the usual parking issues that you get round here all was good, well in fact it generally is for my mum as she gets out & leaves my poor step father to find a place, like a rather better looking version of Hyacinth Buckett. They wanted to show him as much of London as possible in one day, so it was off to Greenwich & onto the trusty City Cruise river boat ride. Though I have done this trip a few times I have to admit that apart from all the tourists on the boat I do enjoy this little trip. It took us to Westminster where I then had to show them, by foot, Houses of Parliament, Westminster Abbey, Buckingham Palace, Trafalgar Square & Piccadilly, I don’t quite get this one as there is nothing whatsoever there, unless you like looking at a massive McDonalds bill board, but hey who am I to deny them from seeing it. We then headed home exhausted, well I was.
Grooming, Ann Summers & Dentists
by Matt on Oct.07, 2009, under Blogs
Hello all, hope that your life is good, bright & bushy tailed.
So guess what I am doing at the moment, well apart from writing this? What really keeps me typing with my feet a tapping, my fingers a drumming (on the keyboard), my little Milo a jiggling? What you ask? I am listening to Boom!!!!!! Fabulous, love it. If you not listening, not subscribing then what are you waiting for, cool tunes & the delectable Chuckles in your head for free.
Last Thursday was my first full day at G&H. I was pretty apprehensive to begin with, though last Thursday & Friday my
boss wasn’t there so it was just meeting people & familiarising myself with the place, which was pretty dam lucky as the offices are like a labyrinth, hallways, doors, stairs & offices everywhere, it is, to put it mildly a confusing building. But I was quite surprised as everyone there is really nice, friendly & helpful, I expected at least a couple to not be but was, rather happily, surprised by the fact that it’s a really good working team. I have a positive feeling about this job, which is a huge relief after my last role.
Friday evening I had arranged to meet a friend for a drink. We met at the Edge, why do I always meet people there, I really should not be so predictable, & should vary my drinking habits a bit, well in fact I should stop drinking given the effect alcohol has on me. But by the by, I met my friend & it was really good to see him, we chatted, we drank, then we went to get something to eat. Amazingly by the time we went to eat I wasn’t too drunk to 
remember what to order so that was on the plus side, on the minus was that I ordered to much so obviously wasn’t quite as sober as I protested I was. After we ate we then went to a couple more bars to add the finishing touches to my misbehaviour. I then capped it all off by getting on the bus & falling asleep, waking in East Ham, where I had to wait whilst the bus went back to where I live, how dumb & idiotic is that, it really requires no answer at all. So I have now vowed after that disastrous night (did I also mention I had a falling out with my ‘friend’?) I have decided (again) that drinking that much really isn’t to be recommended for me!!!!
Saturday was once again time for the little cherub, the positive angel, the adorable (think its laid on thick enough yet?) 
Milo to be groomed. My best friend had found the groomers, this was the second time Milo had been there, & its in Lee, I had no clue as to where it is (after all it is south of the river, so why would I know). It took us a DLR train & a bus to get there, when we did we were a little early
so went to explore the area, which killed 5 minutes. Then when we dropped Milo off the poor little (though obviously highly intelligent) boy must have remembered the place as started to cower & cry (regular readers will know Milo is not the bravest of dogs, he hates water & is scared of it). So with a heavy heart & eyes full of tears (gee I really should write dramatic novels), 7 that was just me, we left him there, looking backwards all the way. How is it that a persons hair takes about 30-45 minutes to cut but Milo’s takes over two & a half hours to do? But well I have to admit, biased though I am, he does look adorable when he has been groomed, smells delightful as well.
I then had to pop into the salon quickly to take care of a few bits, after which we met a really good friend who though I am raving fag has to admit she looks so yummy & so phwooar these days, new hair, new style, new image, got rid of the jerk of a partner she had, oh boy was he a twat of the highest order, if someone shouted out ‘oi you daft fucker’ he would look round in recognition! Anyways she looked fan – bloody – tastic. So I told her so in my usual tactful way, think it was along the lines of love your tits. So off we walked through Hyde Park, amongst a chorus of wolf whistles, I get
used to it! We went up to St James’ Street to eat, in a really nice Turkish place. It’s a place I really like so was glad to go there again. But I have to say here that it was very & indeed amazingly good to see her. I was going to be discrete & leave it there but this is to good to miss, we then went to Ann Summers & tried all the vibrators, not literally of course, though I think she was desperate enough to have considered it. She ended up getting one much to Duracell’s delight who said their shares went up ten fold when the news hit.
Sunday my best friend & I took the Rat Boy for a perambulate up Brick Lane. Have you ever tried to found a fucking cash machine that hasn’t got a queue to Bethnal Green in the area? In the end I had to go (okay I don’t do supermarkets so used the ‘I have to look after Milo’ line & sent my friend in) to Tesco & get cash back, only to find out the bloody place only gives out £20.00, what the hell use is that? Off we trundled to look at the shops & stores. I was pretty amazed at just how large the range of foods that Milo will eat is, I don’t think I saw him refuse any food whatsoever, how he stays in such good shape & isn’t needing to be wheeled around (like a fat American) I don’t quite understand, but do envy. How commercial is Brick Lane becoming? Its really quite a shame as it used to be really cool, but now it is overcrowded, pretty commercial & becoming hard to find anything I actually want to buy, unless you include the razor blades I got!
Oh My God I am a complete hero, I have no pain barrier, I am just completely tough, yesterday I had to have a tooth 
taken out, & not just any little tooth, oh no not me, it was a majorly big wisdom tooth, I have it in a little sterile pack, its like a sabre tooth tigers front tooth. I had it pulled with hardly any drugs whatsoever, well unless you count the general anaesthetic that I had!!!!! Maybe I am not the Action Man that I might think, I sat there & agonised with the dentist that the X Ray plate was cutting into my gum then proceeded to ask if I would feel anything as he put me under sedation. So 45 minutes later I come round & the tooth is out, the filling I needed (yes major surgery was undertaken) was done, hey I thought this is the way all dentistry should be done, with me asleep dreaming of my lottery win (which I am convinced I am going to win every week) & how I will spend it. I then got home, under escort of course, & like the strong person I am ran straight to my bed where I immediately collapsed & fell back asleep. I awoke some 2 hours later demanding of my vest friend that it was of the highest importance that I ate some soup. Then sat with the pain (which joking aside was pretty bad) all evening.
That my friends is another week done & dusted, fancy a chat next week, same time & same place? See you here, it’s a date.
Don’t forget Boom !!!!!!!
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